Fall Faeries: Maerilille

Soured

We were supposed to do pictures today. We didn't. It turned out our photographer didn't want to sully her good name with such a shameful, embarrassing venture.

We did yoga pictures instead. A nice, healthy, normal session. I should be grateful that she was ready to do it. I should. But instead I feel soured and slightly embittered. I'm trying to get over it, but what it comes down to, is I'm insulted. I'm proud of my pictures. I think they're artsy and cool and I think I look hot. There. I said it. It's a vanity thing, okay?

But sadly, half of our small group of four was too embarrassed about the humiliating experience known in my world as the faery foray. I guess that being said, I should be grateful they backed out before we got dressed up and were in the woods. I just wish that my photographer had turned me down instead of patronizing me. If she has that huge of a reservation about it (she was worried about being googled and coming up with my pictures), I wish she had said, "No, I don't think that's my cup of tea." Or "No, I'm not artsy enough to appreciate that kind of creativity." Or "No, thanks."

All this has accomplished is a desire in me to guard even more closely the exuberant personality that I have. This is a part of me that I, personally, enjoy and cherish and I'm not about to "cast pearls before swine" to use an exaggerated metaphor. I guarded my personality for the first 18 years of my life. I'm done with that. If people can't handle it, if it's too embarrassing for them, if I make myself the butt of secret jokes and behind-my-back judgments, then that part of me will be shut up from the casual observer.

And you know, another thing. I can take a hard time to my face. I know faery pictures are weird. I know this is not a normal hobby. I know it's nerdy. I'm okay with that. I've come to terms with it and I enjoy doing it anyway. I've stood against criticism for as long as I've been doing this. But at least have the balls to mock me to my face. I can take that in good spirits a lot better than hearing through the grapevine how embarrassed everyone is for me. Nothing will put my back up faster.

Anyway, I just had to vent a little bit. It's been eating at me all day and I have a nasty tension headache over it. This is the post that closes the vault to the few who can see and appreciate this for what it is: a grown woman's last few chances to embrace the youth and beauty that is entirely too fleeting. In a word: I just like to play dress-up & pretend!

Sylphe the Spring Faery

Yeah, I know, I know. Sylphe is really the what an air spirit is called. There's a whole ballet (two, actually) about it. But that is indeed my chosen name for my spring faery. I can be called nothing else.

Ilyena Svetlana

What else could I be called in the winter?

Check out my Slide Show!

Glorious Warmth of Spring... Stop with the teasing!

I must admit I'm struggling a bit with this blog. While it is dedicated to the faery side of me, I must deem it a blog open to all of me and not just concentrated on that. There is so much more to me than just the fantastical. I simply want to have the freedom to demonstrate my personality in its entirety.

So.

That being said, I'll update you with the newest plans for our upcoming Faery Outing. I have Faery Representation from three out of the four Seasons. Spring is the one yet unrepresented-- hence, I, along with my dear Faery Friends (new candidates for Faery Goddess positions) will shortly (meaning sometime this month) display our True Natures in Nature (HA. I'm so sly. That was a good one.), becoming the Embodiment of Spring as best we can interpret Spring Herself and our Own Selves.

Now, ideally, we would have taken them a couple weeks ago, when Spring hit her brilliant peak at 78 glorious degrees Farenheit. Unfortunately for us, Spring seems to be having to fight Winter to retain her place this Year. The days have since turned Bitter with Cold instead of the Sweet Warmth we've all been eagerly anticipating to embrace the World. Initially this simply meant we would endure the Cold for the sake of the pictures. However, since the unfortunate Frost this past weekend, all the Flowers have now frozen and we lack the background of renewed Life that would be so appropo. No, the renewed Life has been cruelly destroyed by Harsh Winter.And so we await Winter's inevitable Defeat. But when, I implore you, will this most Desired Event occur? We've got a wonderful Photographer who has kindly agreed to take our Photos. We have the Essence of our Costumes assembled. We have yet to truly Embrace and Discover our individual Faery Characters. Perhaps Spring is waiting on us?

I'll get right to work.

Mirage

I recently did a personality test called "The Cube". It was a very right-brained test and very symbolic. I love personality tests, and this one ranks high in my book. It involves 6 questions in which you describe 6 different things. The first is a desert.

In my mind's eye, I see this desert. The sand is a gorgeous red and has little ripples in it from the wind. It also has a couple large rolling dunes, peaked at the top with a little sand spraying over the peak from the wind. The sky is a brilliant, shocking blue and completely cloudless. There is no life for miles around, except small plants here and there. I'm vaguely aware of small desert creatures hiding in the shade of these plants, but I can't really see them and they are not important. I'm also vaguely aware of some blue, snow-capped mountains, far, far in the distance kind of off to my left. The sky is a darker, more dangerous blue over there and I can see flashes of lightning. But since it is so far away, it is not important either. There are shimmering heat waves that I can see on the horizon and I periodically see mirages ahead of me.
The sun is scorching hot, the sand burning my feet. At night, it is freezing cold. Even though the sand is hot, I love the feel of it on my feet. Sometimes I feel like I'm only looking at the desert, though, not actually in it.

The focus for this blog is the mirage. By interpretation, this means two things for me. The first is that my trust has been betrayed at some point in my life by someone and so I no longer trust, or at least I am wary of trusting easily. This is very true for me. I can think of a few applications for this, but these are still not the focus of my blog. The second interpretation is the main point I'm trying to make. Seeing mirages in your desert means that you are intrigued by fantasy, by mythical and magical elements. Which I very much am. I love the idea of the ethereal. I love imagining that there are magical, sparkling, shimmering things in this world that you think you see out of the corner of your eye--- then you turn your head only to be disappointed. I love imagining that one of these times, I'm going to discover that all these mythical creatures are actually real. And I think I know why I like this. These creatures live for joy. They seem to be always happy, always mischeivous. They seem to be passionate, beautiful and exciting. I long to know that there are beings out there who live this way every day! It's such an enchanting thought!