Old Friends and New...

As I sat here going through my old photos, choosing which ones would go into my slide show, I almost cried. I miss my faery friends so much! It's taken me quite a while to get there, but it's quite painful that they are not within an easy distance. Candice and Crystal are quite honestly two of my best friends in the world. They are so fun to be with and talk to and they're just so easy to like. I feel like they really are sisters to me. I don't necessarily know that the feeling is reciprocated as strongly, but it doesn't really matter since we get along so well! I just know that there are few inhibitions left between us... I don't feel as if I need to keep any of my normal disguise up with them, but that I can freely be myself, no matter how dorky, silly or deadly serious that might be at the time.

It hasn't been too bad up until now. I've made some great friends since being in Missouri. Some wonderful acquaintances, but also some really great friends. Unfortunately, two of the best were also in the year ahead of us. Which means they've just moved as well! I miss Brenda and Melody so much. We were nearing the same level of friendship I have with Candice and Crystal, but there simply wasn't enough time together! I by no means view either relationship as over, but there is something to be said for proximity in developing a friendship. I hope that we have the chance to live near one another again-- at least near enough to reasonably visit!

I have a number of other amazing, dear friends as well:


Eleena, who is in southeast Idaho, was my next-door neighbor growing up and I really do feel like we could be sisters. She makes fun of me, I make fun of her, but at the end of the day I love that girl. I love the feel of fitting in so well with her and her family. She is such an amazing, talented, fun and funny girl. Like me, she tends to shield her more serious side with a humorous front. I think that's why we get along well-- we don't take ourselves or each other too seriously and we call each other on our crap. But we don't miss out on depth, either.

Elisa, who is in southeast Idaho as well, has been my best friend since sixth grade and we went through the most trying times of growing up together. We shared so many things together (including a little bit of skinny-dipping...) and though time and circumstances have changed our relationship, I know I will always have another sister in her. I am so impressed with her strength in the face of such incredible challenges that accompany raising a disabled child. I respect her so much and admire the incredible woman she has become.


Camas, who is in the Big Apple, is my cousin. Because of family feuds, we never really knew each other until we were both attending BYU. We took a cooking class together and have been pretty much best friends ever since. I can whine to her as much as I need, to my heart's content and she'll listen and call my whining what I do: venting. Sometimes I think I live vicariously through some of her amazing experiences, her travels, her work... she is such an amazing girl. I admire her so much and she always finds the time and money to come to wherever I live and visit me... even for just three days.


Natalie, who is in Arizona, was such a great, fun friend in our last year or so of college. We share the same interests in many respects, and I seem to live vicariously through many of her experiences as well; at least, I get a kick out of them. Of course, up until now (she just got engaged) I haven't really envied her dating life, but at the same time I look back and wonder how differently my life might have gone if I'd waited longer to marry. No regrets, just curiosity. She's so fun to talk to, and I love that she calls me all the time whenever she's going somewhere just to chat and update on all the things that are going on in our lives.

Breta, my sister in flesh as well as in spirit is another amazing girl. We really did grow up together, we shared everything (including a bed until I was in high school. High school!) and we fought like cats when we were younger and took care of each other as we grew older. We feel the burden together of keeping our family together, of making sure our siblings are coping well with the divorce. I feel the burden-- but she does something about it. Of course, again proximity (she's in Idaho with our family) has a large role to play in that. But quite honestly, even if I were there I know I couldn't do half the job she's doing. I'm so grateful she has a wonderful husband to support her.

Have you noticed a commonality between all my dearest friends? Yes, that's right. None of them lives closer than twelve hours in driving time from me (I love you, Mel! You're closest!). So here I am, feeling alone in the 'Ville amongst a number of great women in my church and in the SAA. Ironic, I know. I think I've finally really gotten to the point where I'm hating making new friends, only to leave them behind. Acquaintances are much easier to abandon. You love them while they're here and leave them with a hug, sparing a thought for them every so often, but still sustained by your closest friends. When you leave your sisters behind, the relationship always continues, but the continuation almost makes it all the more painful. Much more worth it, but so painful. It's taken me several years to have a good dose of homesickness, I usually adapt quite well to my surroundings. A good thing since we've moved at least eight times since we married five years ago. And now it hits me. And it's hitting hard. I love you all and I miss you so much.